the reluctant caregiver

It was the day after Christmas, when I finally figured out what my role in life has been and probably will be in the future, I don’t know why it took me so long for the light to suddenly come on, I am a caregiver.. not by choice, it has been forced on me.

I have been reluctant to accept it.

It all started when I was a little girl and my Dad would bring in the little puppies, pigs, calves, and even once a preemie baby horse, and I would set in to trying to save them, all night poking milk down their throat and keeping them warm by the fireplace wrapped up in a blanket, in my lap.. then I would wake up in the morning and most of the time they would be gone and I would be there, a little dazed under my blanket, empty handed.. I would look at my Dad and say what happened and he would say, it’s gone.  A stab of pain, a sense of loss and failure, and the numbness of trying to carry on and keep going.

so I had my training early in life about death and destruction, maybe too much.. I am tiring of this “role”… but I still found myself poking milk down a new puppy that my son’s girlfriend’s daughter got for Christmas, that was brought here too early, it doesn’t have teeth yet, it should still be with it’s Mama, but the ignorance and excitement of a young broke  Mom, launched it full speed into my life on Christmas morning as a present to a 4 year old.. bound and determined for it to survive and not be another failure on my part, I have taken to the care of it .. today it is getting teeth and walking so maybe it will survive..

My Dad told me the Bible says that God will supply all your needs, and that he needed me to help him sometimes, that’s why I got to take care of those animals, to help out in their time of need.. I read in the newspaper the other day, that the Pope had announced that animals get to go to heaven, I have felt that way for a long time… I hope so.

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